Life Update

Do you ever feel like you have some explaining to do? Kind of like you wish your life was just "all out there" so people know whats going on without having to awkwardly ask you like.... "hey, whats going on??" Well today that's what I am doing. Putting myself out there like always. My husband gets somewhat embarrassed with how open I am with others and with the internet.... Have you ever seen the movie Pitch Perfect? The scene where Amy refers to herself as Fat Amy and her reasoning is so that others don't call her Fat Amy behind her back? Well that's me, everyday, all the time. I like putting myself out there and laughing at myself in a "yes, I know I JUST said 2 weeks ago that I would never EVER do "X" and I know I just did exactly that, and I know that I am stupid." I point things out about myself before others ever even notice them. It wouldn't be weird to run into me at the store and I say "Hi, how are you? Yes I know I know I don't match, what are you up to?" It's a weird kind of defense mechanism. (I guess) In one hand I care so much about what others think of me, and in the other hand, I couldn't care less....

WOW, got way off topic there for a moment, where were we? Oh yes, a life update. The reason I have been absent from this beloved blog of mine. Well, I have accepted a new job. With a heavy heart I packed up my office, said my goodbyes, and started on a new journey. So long story short, I've been adjusting to a new job and in a deep unnecessary sad place. The thing is, I don't handle change well, I am still not handling it well. If you were to see me or meet me, you would never know it, because really I am fine. It's at night when the thoughts start creeping in my head. The pressure of it all, the anxiety of it all. I can't count on my hands how many times I've already cried myself to sleep. Don't ask me why, because I don't know. I have been treated very very well at my new job, I am appreciated and learning fast. I think it really is just the unexpected/unwanted change in scenery. The uncertainty of the future, the never-ending what ifs. If you think as much as I do, STOP!!!! Over-thinking is the thief of happiness.

The very thing that carries me through everyday, the person who can handle my over-thinking, over-analyzing, and over-bearing self, the one who chooses me everyday. I promise you my husband is my hero, my foundation, my everything. I can't imagine going through what I put myself through without him here. Everyday for the first 2 weeks of my new job I came home to spotless house, clean laundry, flowers, and dinner. While I wasn't feeling mentally well, he took care of me and always has. Have you ever looked back at your life like: "How did I get here?" because I have, many times. I couldn't have hand picked a better life for myself. I wish I could put into words what my husband means to me, but I just can't. I am convinced that no one has loved like us. My soul is his soul and his soul is mine, I couldn't imagine one single day without loving him or being Mrs. Leicher. I say with all seriousness that I don't feel like my life began until my heart met his, and its true. My husband is more than just a best friend he is a God sent gift to me.

Something to know about Michael is that, well he wasn't supposed to be here with me, not like this. My husband had a wreck, a bad four-wheeler wreck, a few years before I fell so deeply in love with him. A wreck so bad that they said he would never be the same. We don't talk about it much but there's one story I know to be true, one our preacher tells. My preacher says when he went to visit Michael after the wreck in the hospital a nurse looked at him and mouthed with her lips the words "no hope." No hope? No hope that he would ever be normal again. No hope that he would ever walk or talk the same as he had for 14 years. No hope that he would ever play his beloved sport of basketball ever again. No hope that he would ever drive a car. No hope that his soul would ever find mine.

Michael told me that after he started healing and it was apparent that God had other plans for him than no hope, that people kept telling him, "God kept you here for a reason."

He tells me the reason is me. I know God has bigger plans for Michael other than falling in love with a little Athens Alabama girl, but wow what an honor to be thought of in that way by the person I adore most on this earth.

Listen guys, I already know what you're thinking "how the heck did she get this far off topic???" and the answer is I really really don't know. At this point, I am not even sure what my hands have even typed. Just to be clear, I am no writer, I don't have proper grammar and I spell a lot of words wrong when I am typing out these things, I get those red squiggly lines under my words constantly. I just enjoy talking to anyone willing to listen. Or writing to anyone willing to read it. (haha) I can promise you that almost every blog of mine will somehow end up a love story... I am in love, and also a hopeless romantic. If my husband blinks a certain way I think he is about to swoop me up and take me to Paris and tell me he's getting me a puppy. It's not a bad way to live as long as you don't let yourself get disappointed in actual reality. Wow off topic again.

Listen, even if you don't have your soul mate catering to your every wish when you are down, you can get through it. You can do anything, I can do anything.